15 September, 2005 - ATL TO LONDON 

I am on my way back to the land of miserables! I am not looking forward to it at all. This trip has definiety been a learning experience of self growth. I am so glad and blessed that I was able to make it ATL this Pride. I am still blown by everything that's happened in the last 2 weeks. From Chip to Janine, to Sunshine, to ATL Pride, to Tyesin & my tremendous capacity to love....ELLA.

The day I first arrived in ATL, I was overwhelmed at how friendly people were and how welcoming. I made it to the Residence Inn without any problems. The driver of the shuttle was actually very friendly...friendly enough to be familee..lol. She shared a lil sumthin with me. Funny enough, her 2 passengers were both here for the same reason. The room was immaculate and peaceful. I had the whole joint to myself, which was bliss. I chilled, got on the phone, unpacked my ish and fell out. I was too excited to do anything else but keep myself good company.

The next day was anxious though. I waited for the VA crew to get in. It took them long enough but when they finally made it in, I was over joyed and they were over-tired..lol. First thing we all did after we hugged and all that ish, was smoke a phatt azz blunt...ahhhhh. I needed that...fa real.
What a trip yo! After leaving London the way I did, I was ready to forget everything that happened with Chibuzo. The bruises were enough of a reminder.

Faith, Janine, Lica and myself all got ready to go out and pick up Sunshine from the airport. It was already 10ish and we were all ready to wild out at the club. We went back to the room and finished getting ready, then bounced. Boiiiii...what a night! Sunshine and I grooved most of the night. She looked cute. Nene and Lica with Faith stayed in their lil' corner chillin'. I had to get my groove on. The club was aight. It would've been nice I could see Vivica Fox properly while she was up on the stage giving all them hot azz lesbians the eye...I would'nt to step. But my azz was too blown and I was str8 chillin with Sunshine.

Saturday was even hotter!!! Good gawwwd...what an experience at the club we were to. Earthlink was da ish! I looked fly as Aaliyah did dressed as a lil tomboi, except I was femmed out, rockin my khaki kangol and my Black Panther tee....yep I am a revolutionist at heart. Is it too late to grow up & be like Angela Davis??! It's never too late for anything!

TY. TY. TY.    

My stomach was all in knots and the anticipation was killling me! I could not wait much longer...I was going to see Ty and I couldn't wait!

Sunshine and I made our own way to go see the Punani Poets, which was going to be at the Sherton, the host hotel. Unfortunatey, they cancelled. I was pissed, but oh well. I called Sandra & Andrea who were staying at the Sheraton, but they were staying in so I din't bother going up. I guess we'll just hook back up in London. Would've been nice to see them though. I was so upset about the Punani Poets though! Maybe  next year. Anyway, we took a couple of pics with the view of the city in the background. Being in Sunshine's company was nice. We just chill & everything is so ezy. She looked so beautiful that night...all in light lilac...we took some cute pix too.

I had Ty on the brain....HEAVY. We then decided to head for the club where we were going to hook up with Nene and the rest as well as Ty. I was kinda excited about seeing Meshell N. We went into the club room where everyone was geting their freak on...like these bytches were going out on pussy famine! HA!

I couldn't help myself, had to get my tip drill on. So I found myself the a broad who could shake her azz with skill. I gripped on to that thang like it was a life jacket. I threw down $$ bills
and got carried away with the smaking. Sunshine took 2 pics of me doing it, which was comical.
Tyesin called me a couple of times on Sunshine's phone to let me know what time she was meeting me at the club. I became flustered with anxiety and was began getting really nervous. When Ty called to let me know she was at the club outside waiting for me, I collected myself and made moves to go out & meet her. On my way out though, I was starled and completly thrown off when I met Ayanna in my path. She was just as shocked as I was. It was soo weird to see her the way I did. Too bizzare! I hugged her and  was actually very happy to see her. I was so thrown off boiii! I told her to hold on for me while I went out to go and find Ty. I looked and looked and walked up and down the queue so  I decided I would hang out by the entrance just in case she walked by. I turned to look around and there she was. We caught each other's eye at the same time. I grabbed her hand and she held me close to her.
From there it was pure magic. I was lost in her arms & in her eyes. Memories & overwhelming emotion flooded me. All I could feel & see was Tyesin. Nothing else! Not even Meshell Ndegeocello who was at the bar trying to talk to me while I stood there waiting to be noticed by the bar chiq so I could start on my Grand Marnier. My "high on cloud 9" azz didn't even nmotice it was her. She was there with her friend who was talking to me & I don't even remember. Can I get a witness!!?? lol* Thank God Ty witnessed it....I am still kicking myself! I could've gone on a date with Mesehll while in ATL...lol* Wishful thinking huh...*heehee* 
 

INTERLUDE

I am feeling so indifferent about alot of things lately especially people. I am sick of dealing with selfish, self-centered bullshit azz people!

Chip is gone...NeeNee has dissapointed me and that's whateva. Tyesin I adore and I am inlove with, but still a lil doubtful....due to my fears.

I want to grow old with her. She told me today in her email that she can see this happening with me and that she wants to grow and watch my hair turn grey. A possibility, no doubt. We are so different, yet we have similar goals and want much of the same thing. Our biggest desire would be to happy...together.

My fears don't haunt me as much anymore. My internal screams have stopped. I am now surrounded by her blissful silence. Silence is so comforting to some, but to others it can so frustrating! I mean,. I don't mind that half the time she is quiet & doesn't say much...she is a great listener, but when I am venting about something obviously that matters to me or that';s upset me, or Im merely Xpressing my emotions...I would like to hear what you have to say, what you think or say something to soothe or console me...don't just sit there in silence. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING....REMEMBER, I AM NOT A MIND READER! 

I want nothing to do with Chip at all! I still need to go ahead and collect my shyt that I left at his place. I have no words for him though. None at all! That nicca fucked up so bad that I do not care for him like
I used to. He is squashed! He is very aware that I am no longer interested in wasting breathe with his azz. The punk is not worthy of my attention, frienship, trust or even my presense. I cant stand bytches who make out they're something they're far from, who lie and deceive, regardless if it 's something I dont want to hear, but I am me and what you see is what you get! I am a real, raw, sweet and  a strong womyn with my 3 stripes on ... my new samoa adidas kicks on. I didn't get to see my Sha. I really wanted to, but I really needed to do this trip to FL to find out truths. She understands me for my reasons. I will make the next trip all about her though. My ROCK. I was mad I didn't get to see Mike too. He was trippin' about the Hurricane. I guess he'll make it here next time. And I was sad I didn't get to see my Cort in ATL! She couldn't make it for her own reasons...but I missed her there! I know she would've added to my experience....don't care, her azz is coming next year if it means I gotta go get her first!  

I am sooo sleepy!!! Can't wait to get off this fucking Delta plane! I detest bytches up in firstclass!! Grrr! At least I am on an aisle seat & don't have a smelly bastard next to me...I'd be highly pissed!

I am so ready to pass out...me is a tired azz bytch!

RESPECT ME!