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Tuesday, November 29, 2005
First of all, I can't believe all these changes I am going through. It's all good though, positive changes, just things I did not expect in my path.
I have been in contact with alot of people who have had significant impact in my life and in my persona, as well as new friends who are uplifting me in ways only close folx in my life have. It's nice to actually be able to find more people on my mynal level.
I have gotten closer to Mavis, my colleaegue from work. I guess now that my two girls, Sarika & Soph are gone I am getting to know other people I feel a connection with. She seems really cool, open minded and interesting. We share alot of interests, like music. Angela & Zebbie are madd cool too. Half the womyn I surround myself with at work are in the mid-late 30's or early 40's, which I am really feeling. I am youngest on the team now, but I don't mind..lol. They all love me! ...heehee*
My best friend from Sydney, Diana, called me the other day. It was sooo good to hear from her!!! Dayum, I miss my loca!!! The fact that she's pregnant and almost dues kills me too, wish I could be there. I missed out on Lil's chiuld birth & seeing her baby daughter & now Di. She was quite down, telling me she missed me alot & felt like a bad friend to me b/c she hasn't kept in touch much with me. But I understand and never think negative of her, b/c I know it's all circumstanial. I know if she had a pc & a landline to call from, she would be calling me alot. But circumstances sometimes restrict us, so it's still all good. I love my loca ....we ryde or die baby!
She isn't too happy lately though. It tore me up to hear her crying when I couldn't be there to hold her & wipe her tears away & tell her it's all going to be ok. She is about 33 weeks pregnant & she feels that her husband is not supportive of her & pregnanct at all. I can't believe the backward thinking ass doesn't want to be in the delivery room with her when she is in labour!! I can't get over it! And his sorry azz excuse, "I can't. Iit's against my culture"! WTF!!! So, was having sex before marriage mufukka! I can't stand weak bytches like that. I hope he gets his act otgether & realises that this baby is also going to be his responsibilty..point blank! One thing about Di I can't believe & wish she had done before she considered even marrying this dude is, why da hell didn't she talk about all these lil things that matter, like having him in the labor room when she's giving birth, why weren't all these things discussed???? Some hetero people are soo darfed!
Spoke to Steph last night, which was nice. We caught up on family, work and personal life. Steph is constantly going through things out of her control, shyt that isn't her own shyt. Things & people that hold her back from her own happiness, success and myntal stability. She is drained & I totally feel her!
I feel & pray she accomplishes everything she sets her mind & heart to in the new year, no doubt she will!
Got a chance to catch up with Mike this weekend too! It was soo good to be able to talk without any interuptions...you know have that one on one time. I missed my nukka!!! So yea...we talked, laughed, clowned & shared. He should be coming through in the new year to visit & then go off to see his boi in Japan...can't wait to see him!
I tried calling Sha to see how she's been doing seeing as I haven't talked to her in a minute, but when she answered her phone she totally cut me with her coldness & shortness attitude...all, just because she had company. She has never reacted like that when she's had company before. I guess she had a dude over or something & my call must've caught her off guard. Oh wellllll, I won't be calling Shaynea for a long while. Honestly I can't be fucked with those who can't be fucked with me!!! Time to step up & become less tolerant. She hurt my feelings, not b/c I am sensitive but because she didn't have any respect or sensitivity to at least see if I was ok, ask how I was & then say, look..I have company but I'll call you back. I woulod've been fine with that. But her response to my call, my voice on the other end, was so cold & almost like I was some stranger. For only a quick few minutes I was hurt & pissed off, but WHATEVA! Best thing is to block it out with pre-occupying my time with other things or people.
I have been thinking alot about Ty. I wonder how she is & I am so tempted to call her but I don't know....I don't think it's time yet. I am not ready, esp. since I don't know what her response to me calling will be. I'd rather just wait b4 Xmas & see how she is. I do miss her alot & think of her on a regular...I wonder if she does the same. Life is too short.... I will call soon.
Nikki and I haven't talked much lately. Our schedules always seem to collide. It's all good though, there's always time to catch up. I think she's absolutely sweet and I really enjoy conversation with her. I have gotten to know her a lil more, which I am enjoying.I like what I see so far, so she is definietly a friend I want to hold on to. I know she's got my back. She appreciates and cherishes my friendship to her & values everything about me, how I think, what I feel. I respect that.
I miss Ronelle. It's been really sweet communicating again. We lost touch for a minute due to our hectic work lifestyles, more her than me. I am kinda glad she is not working as much, because she didn't take care of herself enough. Maybe I am wrong, but at least she has more time for herself now & to get things sorted out in her life. Things she's been wanting for awhile now.
She's my Solecita & I'm her turtle ....yayyyyy! *smiles*
My gurl from NC I lost touch with a few yrs ago & I are chatting alot these days too. I am glad we start talking again. She's soo silly like me, but we have fun talking & clowin' each other. It's no wonder how we never made arrangements to meet all these times I have been in NC & VA. Oh welll, next time. She lives in High Point, the same city as Fantasia *Nikki's ultimate womyn*...lol.
Mavis & I are going to Floetry's show December 15th! We got our tickets this weekend when we went to Camden. It's going to be at Jazz Cafe, so I am looking forward to it again. Marcus is going to be sending me their new album so I can't wait to play it to def!
I am still undecisive about afew things that are Big things..lol! Ughhh, I really hate when I get like this & can't make a simple decision!!! It's just that with me, I need to think of all the pros & cons & then decide what will work best for me. I have alot of thinking & deciding to do in the next few weeks. I wish I could still go home for Xmas, but it's too much *pout*. I know my parents don't care & still want to send for me, but I couldn't let them spend that much on a 2 week holiday...ughhh* Wish I was a RICH BYTCH!
UPDATE:
LOOK AT MY LIL' MAN >>> THESE ARE THE MOST RECENT PICS OF MY BABY NEPHEW *CHRISTIAN* & MY SIS & DIANA IN THE LAST ONE WITH HER PREGGY SELF.
MY SISROSHEEN A.K.A CHYNAH & CHRISTIAN
CHRISTIAN GETTING HIS FACE MASHED..LOL
CHRISTIAN WAVING WUSUP!
DIANA HOLDING UP CHRISTIAN AT HER BABY SHOWER
Posted at 07:05 am by AlwayzDoubleR
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 AlwayzDoubleRAugust 28th Female Australia Add 2 my lyfe if you care...don't just come to stare, but walk bare & feel my glare...my spot to delve deep into my soul...touch me in places I only know....stay free of negative nrg & flow towards positivity...if you feel'n the beat of my rhythmic ancestors that drum congos against my tripple5soul heart...while the hoodie stays over the hed, until you discover & explore me...:peace:...
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Every day counts...
My mood 2day is POSITVE & HOPEFUL
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