It is about to be a month since I made my decision to embark on this Spiritual Journey. It feels great! Every day that passes by, I feel more & more uplifted by the love & light my Messiah has blessed me with..I feel stronger, I feel like I can get through everything that comes my way, even though I have always been a soldier. Yeaah, it's like that!
Everyday I am feeling uplifted & finding clarity in the things I do. I want everything I do in life to be meaningful. I want everything I do in life to be approved in the eyes of God...I ant to share my Spirit & my love with as many as I can reach & touch. God has given me youth, health, Spirit, strength, intelligence, passion, empathy & insight to be able to do big things, great things that doesn't even have to do with $.
Right now my thoughts are random so if I dont make sense, plz forgive me. Ohh whateva...just work it out bytch! lol*
Things are slowly but surely making more sense to me now. Through my countless sleepless nights & daydream days, I have thought thought & thought some more, disected & analysed crucial aspects of my life & -re-evaluated them. I am taking from the "signs" my Messiah gives me. These are my truths.
I realise that I need to be more observant and a better listener. I don't listen to the small things that end up making a big difference. I am working on that. There is alot that I working on. All to better me as a womyn, individual & child of God. Slowly but surely.
I went to church this Sunday that passed. I finally went with Anna who had been inviting me to go. I am so glad I went. It was uplifting for my spirit. I am definietly going to go again this Saturday & Sunday. I talked with God the whole walk home from church & thanked the Lord for my blessings.
My lil' brother's 21st was on the 15th, Saturday that just went by. I wish I could've been there. I heard it was really nice. Leo announced & signed his speech & had his translator there to translate. Apparently it was the sweetest speech ever. He had all the womyn teary eyed! He mentioned how much he missed his older sister who is living in London..me! lol* I wish I could've been there.
I miss my family soo much!
I miss my Nemo too.
Be back soon for rest of my update entry......
Ok...Im back. It's the 21st today. It's my cousi Pepe's 21st today back in Sydney.
Ty and I have not talked in the longest. I think it's been a month now. I was just talking to my ShaSha last night about it. We had a deep & meaningful & Ty & I were one of the things I brought up. Things make so much sense when I talk with my Sha....it's our RozSha. Ain't NADA like it!
But anyway, thoughts of her enter my head randomly. I wonder how she is doing, I wonder how her folx are. I pray they are all well. I have a feeling she's a lil' pissed or upset with me...or maybe she doesn't feel anything, just indifferent. I care for her, but I just realise we are too very different people & we communicate very differently. Different communication styles sometimes don't equate. Love alone can not hold me down, can not hold down a relationship. But, it don't mean we still can't try. The things is...when our time out has come to an end, either one of us could feel totally different about "us". There is no time set on when we talk again...I guess we will both know when the time comes.
One thing I am sure about is this: I do not want to invest my time, NRG, heart, $ & my life in a relationship with someone who can't give me back what I give them. I don't want any uncertainty coming from the other person either. Because when I love & give, I love whole heartedly & give my all. I have learnt to not give as much as I use to. All I want is balance.
Anyway...I think alot about my relationships with certain people. The only people close to me that are solid & stable in my life are my QUEEN=Mum, my ShaSha, Sol, Mike, Diana, Cortney & of course God, who I am trying to get closer to. I want to be able to hear messages through signs, through dreams, through word of mouth. I am grateful for the blessings I have. The friendships/relationships with these beautiful & special people in my life. I love you ALL!!
I want to change jobs if they don't raise my pay. I am going to start looking for that second job ASAP! I desperately need to do something...I am indebt &need to save at least $12,000 before I go home to pay my tuition fees for my Masters.
Oh yeaaa...UPDATE UPDATE.
My sister Sonia is getting a divorce with her husband. I found out when she told me last Friday. I was in shock, but kinda glad. I know she hasn't been happy for years. I believe she stayed in the marriage for the kids. Now that she has more independance, she feels more empowered to do so. I think she's just had enough of the BS period! The interesting thing is that when my 12 year old nephew asked his mum if his parents were getting a divorce, he said "good"! The kids have gone through enough by seeing an unhappy & unhealthy marriage between them. I am more concerned for the kids..I don't want my babies to suffer, of course I don't want my sister to suffer anymore in silence. I pray everyday that she will be ok. They need to be separated for 12 months before the divorce can go through. I just pray Farid doesn't go crazy oneday. Sonia has everyone on her side though, supporting her til the end. I wish I was there.
Diana is 7 months prgnant already! Wow! It hurts that I can not be there for the birht of her first child. I will miss out again. I haven't talked ot her in sooo long, I miss her. She use to be my clarity & my support system. We use to be so retarded around each other...goshhh I miss my bytch!!
Sha Sha & I have been talking about spending her 31st 2gether. I would love to go to PHX & spend NYE & her bday with her since her bday is 31st of December. Sol wants to spend NYE with me too, but I don't think she'll be able to take the time off work this time. I know she would be mad if I went to PHX & didn't go to Cali. Hmmmmm..... decisions decisions.
I still need to figure out where da hell I'm going for Xmas...maybe back to Barcelona to spend it with Diana.
I am so upset & mad at the power trip bytches at work who gave Sophie the sack. I can't believe they did her like that! What goes around, comes around...every dog has their day!
I miss my SHASHA & MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!